What cannot kill you, makes you stronger

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you...

2010-12-26T11:41:00.002+08:00

It has been two whole months I'm in the training! Time pass really fast! Book out day seem to be getting faster every week but Book in day seems to be fastest. always looking forward to meet the girls :)

We have PT, drills and classroom lessons almost everyday. It was fun running outside HTA especially to Qian Hu fish farm. Driving lessons are getting more stressful now cause our TP is on the 8th Jan. Plus the upcoming Drill test and kayaking comp, Jan is a busy busy month! training in HTA is awesomeee! :)

My life has sort of fall into place, bit by bit. At least having a stable career to feed myself and my girl now. it's wonderful to use the money you earned by yourself and buy things to pamper yourself, daughter and the family! :) but at this rate I'm going, very fast my bank will be empty!

Having block leave till thursday, like happy only! :)

2010-10-20T00:04:00.002+08:00

I have cut short my hair, removed my manicure too.. Look worst than Dora the explorer. Look like mushroom head!! Now I regret laughing and calling ppl mushroom head :(

I feel like whining a whole lot of stuff right now!! my hair, my nails, my phone, my psp, my facebook, my ladies night, my bed, my toilet, my bolster, my water heater, my suppers and my silly mushroom :(

BUT. I will do good and make you'al proud!!

"A force for the nation!"

2010-10-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

Finally after a looongggg wait, I received a call from Police recruitment! Police training starts next Weds! Can say goodbye to my long hair, manicure, ladies night, facebook, ebuddy and keyboard piano :(

New maid is also here! Ends our 4months of sufferings! Hip hip hurray! My maid's a pharmacist back in Sri Lanka! Cause of money..then she became a maid..

Awwwwww...Gonna miss my mushroom head. Lesser time with burden :(

2010-10-12T19:30:00.000+08:00

I think I need to go church and pray.

2010-10-12T19:03:00.002+08:00

FCUK.
always rmb that this world is unfair. no matter how peace loving you try to be. someone out there will always try to test your patience. Simpleminded and naive. NO MORE. Unless you have walked in my shoes, how would you even know. DO you even have the right to comment and condemn. Much more an outsider who knows nothing base on just biased info. There are 2 sides to every story. You don't even dare to put your name down.

faggot, If i really need the world to feel sorry for me, Why wait till now?! I could have easily done that 8 months ago. Making the world feel sorry is the last thing I would ever do. You have not been in my shoes neither did you went thru my life story. Humiliations I had suffered, I swallowed them. Cause that's the only way to peace and harmony. Everybody knows my character, to avoid conflict even by the means of silent humiliation. I stand strong, I do not need the world to feel sorry for me.

Words of poison, evil hearted, calculative, poisoned mind. Why can't you be kind, peace loving with a magnanimous heart. Evil begets evil, hatred begets hatred. If I were to be like you. When will all these ever end? HOWEVER, if you wanna start this war, I'll play along with you. Never underestimate a woman. Especially a woman who had been and seen through the worst.

2010-10-08T01:53:00.003+08:00

since young..you both always thought you knew what was best and good for me. I followed your way and guidance through. Study well, perform well in both academic and well being. Everything was to make you all proud and have a 'face'. Many times you compare, whoever whoever son/daughter alr in Uni, working as what what what. I could only say, ya, your daughter is a useless person nothing to my name and a single mum that is so shameful to you both and this family.

You both tried so hard to protect me. yes "protect". so much so I feel like I couldn't breathe I could die. which "normal" house would have a security camera at home? which normal house would be additionally locked at night only the parents have the additional locked key. Which parents would call up and harass friends and even bf. Even handphone, detail billing of the numbers I come in contact with. Which parent would locked the internet and allow access only 10am- 2.30am. Whenever I don't do things against your way, confiscate handphone, punished to stay at home. Until recently I found out that even my SMS copies incoming and outgoing are all sent to your email. to what extent do you wanna bring me down to?? All in the name of "LOVE"? so that I wouldn't be harmed would walked the so called "correct" path you both think it is??

Even facebook, blog, you warned me not to post anything regarding the you both or family issues. If not you will threaten to shut dunno what. it seems as though you both are making use of whatever I'm surviving on you now as a threat to get what you both want. If anything I do is not along your "correct way, correct path" it would deem as unfilial and rebellious. All of all these makes me shut away from you. It hurts.

mr postman.

2010-09-28T21:47:00.002+08:00

Dear Mr postman, if you ever received a letter on government service please please send it to my mailbox quickly!!

I'm waiting and waiting for that letter everyday!! Holding my hopes high! wanna quickly go in and train and get tekan. WhoHoho! letter quickly come k?

2010-09-17T01:54:00.002+08:00

hurray! going for SPF medical examination next monday @ OUB centre. Shucks. I don't wanna draw blood :(

Thanks silly mushroom! For bringing suckway lunch to me. Awww so sweet and leaving me with 3 inch of sandwich to eat. Hope you like the minced meat porridge with mushroom I cooked! Cause you practically ate the whole pot :)Work hard on the superman and that duet on the keyboard kays! ♥

at 2am....

2010-09-15T01:40:00.002+08:00

I will die for....
-ba chor mee, mee kia gan zhu you zha duo duo
-green tea tang yuan
-prata kosong and banana prata
-my burdensome mushroooommmm

:)

2010-09-05T00:24:00.003+08:00

tired. my shoulder is breaking. My mum wants me to be nun. For one failed r/s. So I'm not supposed to date any guy. Every guy they'll find ways to condemn to bring the past in. WTF. STFU.

Hi mommy

2010-09-03T02:03:00.002+08:00

I redd this at a blog.. It just made me teared, teared and teared...

Hi, Mommy. I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I’ve got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I will when I’m born. I’m going to be your only child, and you’ll call me your one and only. I’m going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We’ll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn’t wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! …He wasn’t happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don’t think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don’t think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay… but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That’s a sound I don’t like. It doesn’t make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I’m not sure if I do. It wasn’t right. You say he loves you… why would he hurt you? I don’t like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you’re so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I’m happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn’t talking right. He said he didn’t want you. I don’t know why, but that’s what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won’t let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don’t care if you think that he is a good person, I think he’s bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn’t want us. He doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me, Mommy?

You didn’t talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It’s been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven’t talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don’t you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don’t you do that when you’re awake, any more?

I’m 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re going somewhere today, and it’s somewhere new. I’m excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you’re as excited as I am. I can’t wait.

…Mommy, I’m getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don’t know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something’s going to happen soon. I’m really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don’t worry Mommy, I’m safe. I’m in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it’s called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don’t you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I’m really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don’t you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn’t I love you enough? Please say you’ll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don’t want to be here, I want you to love me again! I’m really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

the super lazy

2010-09-01T01:03:00.002+08:00

The super lazy does not go down to buy food when hungry. She finds packet maggi mee dump everything in a bowl. add water and cook it in a microwave under high speed for 4 mins. meal is done! don't even have to wash any pot! :) wahaha

because it takes two to whisper...

2010-08-29T03:01:00.002+08:00

In 3 hours. I ate 8 fishball, one chicken wing and ice cream. Stomach not feeling too good now ehh...

Woke up not so early for Bird Park trip today. With family and po po. Seriously, bird park is damn boring! nothing much. all birds. ya wad do ya expect.

Do you feel so tired sometimes. That you just wanna stay where you are and not move at all. That things are mentally draining you. guessing game??

Dear boy, I love the way you smile like a silly mushroom. I enjoy taking long walks with you looking at pretty girls and cute guys(hehe). I enjoy sitting by the river having htht with you. I miss the moment lying at the grass patch under the stars with the water sprinklers on. I wanna watch more korean variety show and laugh super loud! I wanna MJMJMJ and win your money. I wanna play pool with you till I clear your table. IMY.

2010-08-16T19:48:00.002+08:00

Getaway to PHUKET tmr! Seems just like yst Kim and I was planning for this trip :)

Burden showed up outside my house this morning with Mac's breakfast, Home made Milo in a bottle and BANANA PRATA!! hahahahah stupid secretive fellow. "give me 5 mins 5 mins!, don't go back sleep" Thanks burden for your surprise breakfast! so touched :))

Anw, had submitted my online application for SPF yst night. Got to be selected first before going for the interview... have no idea how long the wait is gonna be... arghs, hopefully I get in.

it makes a diff if you put in effort or NOT

2010-08-15T22:46:00.003+08:00

1 more day to Phuket :) Gonna miss my BURDEN. Can I pack you in my luggage and come with me?

This is a super tiring week. but FUN. stayed over at Kim's chalet. The bungalow was awesome!! one house full of young ppl. all MJ siao. MJ MJ MJ and MJ! sleep at 7am,9am wake up for MJ. TSK dunno who's that MJ siao. Play till brain damaged alr.

gonna be away till sat night :((

2010-08-05T00:15:00.002+08:00

COUNTDOWN 12 more days to PHUKET! WHHEEE~

Aeroplane, sun tanning, party time!

2010-08-03T23:22:00.002+08:00

TSK. My nose is killing me. Feeling unwell. Was busy preparing dinner, when I came out of the kitchen. It seemed as though my whole house got struck by tornado. My 2 year old just took charge of my house!

You haven't recieved your retribution, it's only just the beginning. One will have to answer for his own actions and face up to the consequences. Mark my word, I can bring you up to the skies to the heaven, I can also drop you down to the very last level of hell.

lying after lying you're still a liar-holic~

2010-08-03T01:16:00.006+08:00

BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING.

I wonder what is in your blood, in your dirty filthy bloody brain. To come out with sick ideas and creating stupid stories- by portraying an image that you are well sought after by girls and gays. get a life seriously. I really can't be bothered to play these kinda games with you. nice try. period.

Just read a book called "This is my story" by Kasandra Kong. A super nice book based on the true life account of a 18 year old Singapore girl. I see my story in it. How can the scenes, the words, the thinking of both parties be so similar. The pain of mentality, physically and emotionally. I read the book with my heart, not my eyes. Brings back all the past and memories. suddenly everything seems so familiar.

"Is your decision made written on sand or cement? Only the test of time and situation will show it all. When the waves break the shore, what's on the sand will be gone with it. Once cement turns concrete, it stays regardless rain or shine."

2010-07-29T23:27:00.002+08:00

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can. Begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. How to get whatever you want- do whatever it takes! Everyone achieves in life, makes decisions to do so. The mountain climber who conquer Mt. Everest is the one who says ' I WILL DO IT' those who proclaim. 'i'll give it my best shot', or 'i'll have a go' or 'i'll try' will likely come home early. You will need inner strength on day to day, min to min basis if your want to be able to fulfill your commitment to the standards set by your sense of purpose. You will be faced with a persistent temptation to compromise your values.

Smile be happy. Compare to the worthless guy, I have a gem with me- my child, that I'm so proud of. Happiness comes from within. Find anything that is good. Smile at anything even ppl think you're stupid. For those who only know how to criticise fail to be happy and contented."

Thanks friend.

2010-06-23T22:56:00.002+08:00

June hols suck big time! Waking up every morning feeling like a walking zombie. Once step into the school, feel like going home to sleep alr! I'm so so glad that it's ending in 2 days! ENDURE for 2 more days!

I'm officially sick..Down with cold and sore throat..Feeling like argh.. and Shayenne is not giving the family any slack or any peace moments! My maid is not coming back...which added more stress to the ppl in the house...mentally and physically draining.everything.

once you lose it, you lose it forever

2010-06-02T23:20:00.003+08:00

OMG I'm so tired. Slept at 8pm and woke up at 10 cause I was so hungry! Ate biscuit dip dip fresh milk :))

I'm still not use to waking up in the early morning. Wake up at 6.30 prepare myself and Shayennne for school. Went for excursion today at East Coast Park Lilliputt Indoor mini golf...Because there were other branches children, the whole place was with crazy children! Had to shout and scold and really vomit blood.

Had games along the ECP hut..and I got shouted at by one Indian for the kids kicking the sand around. like WTF.. right in my face. Apparently he was a homeless guy carrying his pillow around, drinking bourbon coke in the bottle and smoking some handmade cigarette. Children will always be children what..go crazy at the beach.

It was so boring at the indoor golf..and freezing cold! Air con machiam free. The children had 2 hours session. They were all like sweeping the golf ball with the putter. Some swinging it around, most of the children JUST ANYHOW WHACK and my feet got hit by one flying ball, pain! happily, one of my primary 1's got hit by the putter and bled..Had a hard time overseeing the kids and controlling them. WILD!

cannot take it alr. I'll faint by the time sch hols end...and MY MAID!! I MISS YOU! 13 June faster come pls!!

1st June onwards..I must be happy..I'm happy, I am happy, I must be happy! Happy happy post, happy happy day!! :))

2010-05-28T22:49:00.003+08:00

CMI alr...slept at 5.30am yst watching 2012..nice show!

Fly kite today! No wind at all..didn't know fly kite must run and run and run so much! and the field is so big. my arms have no energy now alr...

Not feeling well now..having headache and my nose is killing me. argh, pissing me off!

2010-05-25T22:57:00.002+08:00

Didn't manage to wake up early this morning. Cause I was talking to somebody on the phone till 4.30am eating my ba chor mee! Rushed and hurried Shayenne to the childcare. Managed to say goodbye to my maid before she leave 3 weeks for Sri Lanka. The childcare's so cool! It's inside a condo and right beside the baby pool! Saw a red Ferrari at the car park, cool!! Don't really like the childcare..but heck, it's gonna be for a month only.

School is getting so relax so free and easy. Everyday do word search, print assessment, mark, tea break, eat and go home :))

2010-05-23T17:10:00.002+08:00

I'm so not gonna survive June. Firstly, my maid is going back to her country for 3 weeks! Being the only daughter in the house and my mum body is not very good, I have to undertake the maid-in-house chores!!

School holidays are also in June. Which means I got to work from 8am-7pm. My parents are working also. Transport for Shayenne is gonna be a big problem cause nobody can pick her up! Got to arrange a childcare that can transport her from Punggol in the morning and send her to my school at evening cause I'm working till 7pm! and if Shayenne fall sick, it's gonna be a bigger problem!

Everyday at work, I'll see the kids parent picking their child up, either mum or dad or both will come together. Shayenne will only have her mum to pick her up, or rather, her mum can't even pick her up from school cause she'll be transported. I'll just stand there and admire the children whose parent come to pick them up. The way they hug their parent and call them mummy or daddy. Single mum is never easy ..even with the support from family and friends, it's still very, very hard...

2010-05-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

I have exactly 15 mins to blog cause my internet security gonna stop at 2am!

School's super slack! Watched Ratatouille yst and Avatar today :) Rush and rush after work today. Didn't manage to eat my dinner and I was starving through out the tuition class.

Gonna be a very busy JUNE!! I have activities packed! So many 21st Birthdays and IJ gathering! The children would be going for golf and beach outing! Plus bowling and watching Toy story 3 at some cinema! whohohoo and teachers go for free :))

GIVE ME BANANA PRATA OR I WILL BURN YOUR PRATA SHOP DOWN!

2010-05-20T10:48:00.003+08:00

OKAY! I slept at 4 and woke up at 10.30am today! I dreamt that I was taking aeroplane to Brunei with Yiying and our Npcc juniors. Then, I was munching down half a loaf of bread which tasted so delicious in the dream! Then I suddenly rmb that I was becoming fat, so I woke up immediately.

Work was quite slack yst, watched disney and looney tune cartoon, played boogle. My job allows me to play word games everyday? Hmmm.. Shall not blog what happened yst, a series of unfortunate events starting from the moment I started work.

Sometimes the running road gets too long and you become weary. People from everywhere knocks you down, some helps you, but it does more harm than good. I'm running a marathon that has no finishing line. I don't even know if I'm on the running track or not. Just keep running blindly hoping it'll take me somewhere?? I can't go back to the starting point, I can't see the ending point. I'm stucked, so stucked...

Indifference

2010-05-14T22:06:00.003+08:00

Today was the best day of work. For the whole day, the children and I watched Tom and Jerry, Spongebob Squarepants and movies. With the projector and sound system, the classroom almost turn into a cinema. Didn't know doing nothing also can be tiring cause there's nothing to do.

I hate going to school's toilet! It's always so spacious, empty and quiet...and..I'm scared! scared of ghost..LOL.

It's a friday and I'm home early after tuition!

2010-05-08T19:43:00.002+08:00

Finally, I got a chance to draw some money from my bank. Pay day is SO LATE! wtf. Yays! Finally bought my coloured contacts :)) Got my french mani done at Punggol Interchange. Will continue to get my nails done there! cause it's like super near my house and I can get my nails done again if it's ruin. After one session of manicure I am friends with the lady working there alr.

My weekends are...makes me look like an emo potato.

2010-05-06T00:38:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to find more enjoyment in school with the kids! My primary one kids are all Wondergirls fan. Everyday "nobody nobody but chu!". Today they started on lady gaga bad romance, paparazzi, baby and down! HAHHhA. we all have something in common alr.

Tmr, I'm gonna impart all the camp songs to them! all the long lost cheers and campfire songs!! whooohooo! the kids are so gonna love it :))

I asked my love, to take a walk.

To take a walk, down Orchard Road.

Bypass Mandarin, to Centre-point,

We had our lunch, at Macdonalds.

We had fillet, and apple pie,

We shared a cup, of lemon lime.

I hold her hands, look into her eyes,

And asked her to, be my valentine.

Now I'm confined, in NPCC,

I miss you so, my sweet honey.

I promise you, when I book out,

I'll call you out, and date you out.

There was one night, there was no light.

There was no light, so we used torchlight.

Under clear moonlight, look into her eyes,

I asked her to be my future wife.

She rejected me, she turned me down.

She turned around, and said goodbye.

I was so sad, now she has gone,

So I turned my way, to the airport.

When I reached airport, I was alone.

I looked around, and saw my love.

There was one guy, standing beside her

I was so sad, I departed.

So I name this song, a sad sad song.

Cause it breaks my heart, and fills it with tears.

Oh my darling, now that you have gone,

Left me alone, to sing this song.

2010-05-04T22:34:00.001+08:00

She's Bulletproof
Oooh ooooh oh oh ooooh

It was love before
Girl I know your heart's been through the storm and more
I can tell you barely survive
Girl my love will be the same
I’m not tryna run no games
I just want your tears to dry

Your heart's the target
But every time I fire I can’t get through through through
I fight my hardest but I'm runnin out of weapons to use use
But losing's not an option
So I keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof
But I, Keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof (She’s bulletproof)

Feels like we both at war
Out of ammo, can’t shoot no more
What do you want from me
I can feel you reachin out now
But you gotta let your guard down
Why’s it so hard to see oooh

Your heart's the target
But every time I fire I can’t get through through through
I fight my hardest but I'm runnin out of weapons to use use
But losing's not an option
So I, keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof
But I, Keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof (She’s bulletproof)

Ooooh ooooh oh oh ooooh [x2]

Your heart's the target
But every time I fire I can’t get through through through
I fight my hardest but I'm runnin out of weapons to use use
But losing's not an option
So I keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof
But I, Keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof (She’s bulletproof)

2010-05-02T16:51:00.002+08:00

Why is everybody having holiday tmr and I'm not!! Instead I've got to work 8am-7pm! grrs...11 hours stuck in school.Thinking of whether should I bring my bathing stuff and bath in school in the afternoon.really dunno how to survive tmr!!!

Yst night was a whoohoo!!~

2010-04-29T21:09:00.002+08:00

Another day closer to pay day! So fast gonna be a friday again... and I wanna watch my Donnie Yen!!! School was alright today. Super otot. Did word search with them until we all got headache. Kids will always be kids. On every little thing that happen they will come and report to you and tell you. ya..maybe they look up to you as someone who can do some justice to their small problems.BUT..HURR... The kids today came up with a stupid url- wwww.mscarmen.com.sg. LMAO.

Thanks for willing to give up the custody. Appreciated.

2010-04-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

I shall summarise what I wanna say to you in this song :)

WHAT A WEDNESDAY! I hate weds. Yucks. My throat is killing me. It's so unfair. I had to take 2 classes on every weds while other teachers take 1. Just because the Primary 3's are sharing classroom with my Primary 1's. 30 kids eh!! The boys are like whohoo! troublemaker, mini ah bengs and whatevernot. To make things worse..I had to do 1-1 teaching to the i-can-vomit-blood-boy. He can't even do 9 minus 6 using his fingers. SO I had to draw 9 circles and ask him cancel 6 and count the remainder...But I survived wednesday!

Went to AWARE for counseling with my parents..It's like going through all the 4 years of hurt and bad memories all over again.I hate it. Now I understand why a tissue box is always there on the counseling table. Trying to mend up the hurt I caused to my parents for these past 4 years. Each session cost 60 bucks! and dad's car kena summon- $100.

End of my day with ah bu nei nei rojak and prata!!! whohohoohoohohhoo :))) Today's lunar 15. Ate vegetarian for lunch and dinner and check the moon out! So beautiful today :) awww... :))

'dolle naa lost'

2010-04-27T22:31:00.003+08:00

You think it's fun saying one thing and doing another?! All the bullshits and lies you told me right from the start. Why didn't you just die at Brunei hur? Come back and create troubles and more problems for everyone around you. Don't blame on another for twisting the story, telling lies around, you chose that girl yourself. So whatever that woman said, you have a part to blame yourself too! Why can't just you rot in your own world and STOP screwing up MY life. Whatever F* shit you wanna do with that woman is none of the world's business! Your life ain't drama enough alr is it? Wanna create a Part 2 part 3?! I'm telling you, just sign that F*ing piece of paper and we are through. F*ing stop bothering me or wait for me anymore. Utterly disappointed in you. For many times, I really thought of forgiving you and giving you a 3 yrs period. I shouldn't even had allow you to affect any part of my life. Damn.

Asked my dad to pick me up from school cause I was too lazy to make my way home :) Bought buddy meal and durian!! my KFC craving and durian! whohoo. Was hungry to the max by the time I got home.

monday blues..

2010-04-26T21:30:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 6am and found Shayenne burning hot. Woke up to gave her medicine. As usual, struggle and cry. Had a hard time forcing 3ml of paracetamol. Didn't sleep well cause she kept crying on off.

Was alr late for work and of all time it had to rain when I'm going for work!! By the time I got to school my shoe was soaked and I was half drenched. Didn't manage to eat lunch. grrs only my Pokka apple tea. and tea break was only a few pathetic pieces of biscuit. Was dying of hunger alr when I knock off. Just as I expected, my dad's car was waiting outside school for me..

I spending some random time thinking, if I have another girl in the future, I would name her Faith ! :) boy, would be either Jayden or Kayden or Armageddon. WahahA! just some random thinking.

Nothin' on you

2010-04-25T23:32:00.003+08:00

My weeks seem to fly super fast! Especially weekends. Will be the month of May next week alr!

Went for Kiara's church in the morning today and lunch at SSC with the babies eating mixed rice vege. Dinner at home with my family, Kiara, Tyron and babies. long day and tiring. Super drained out now.

What's between reality, fact, lies and illusion. I really can't tell anymore. I don't even know where am I heading to. headless SOTONG.

no mood. waiting for PAY DAY!! my list of things to do!

-get a blue or hazelnut coloured contact
-do french manicure
-cotton on
-bugis with Kim Tiang
-give mummy and daddy $$
-invest more books on Shayenne
-buy more goodies for Shayenne
-drink more fuji apple and pokka tea
-buffet anybody?
-tanning with girls

HappeningS (plural form)

2010-04-22T23:29:00.004+08:00

Yes! It has been so happening these past few weeks! Should I be even laughing or crying at the thing that happen one after another.

Super hungry everyday after work. Can eat and eat and eat for the whole night till 2am. My shoulder and neck pain is killing me. Good news or rather bad news! My tuition centre's opening up a new class for me..Which means my days are gonna be like pack to the max! and I'm gonna to be shag and busy to the max!

I dread friday to come..even though it's the last day of the week. Teach non stop the whole day till night and got to settle my dinner outside alone. Tsk tsk.

I have a joker at home and her name is Shayenne. She has grown taller and talks alot now. super funny communicating with her and asking her to follow instructions :)

Self conscience: I spend a lot time and effort on other people's children, but not on my child. Irony isn't it... The patience I have and effort I put in to teach other ppl's children compared to mine.

I'm in love with salted egg prawn now!! and I'm so so so gonna catch IP Man 2 and Iron Man!!!!!

2010-04-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me. With love and strength for each new day. He will make a way...

I need peace. Peace in my heart and mind. Peace in the people around me. I feel like breaking down once again. I'm drained, I'm stressed, I'm weak.

2010-04-17T13:53:00.001+08:00

WHAT AN AWESOME SONG. Anyway I had an awesome night!

If the hero, never comes to you
If you need someone, you're feeling blue
If you wait for love, and you're alone
If you call your friends, nobody's home
You can rum away, but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I'll show you there's a destiny
The best things in life, they are free

But if you wanna cry: cry on my shoulder
If you need someone, who cares for you
If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven, where we'll go
If heaven is, a million years away
Oh just call me and I'll make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay by your side
I promise you, I'll never hide

But if you wanna cry: cry on my shoulder
If you need someone, who cares for you
If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

But if you wanna cry: cry on my shoulder
If you need someone, who cares for you
If you're feeling sad, your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

Bye Bye Old Me

2010-04-14T23:34:00.003+08:00

The urge to go overseas with girlfriends has become stronger and stronger!!! Somewhere that needs an aeroplane to get there! Heex!! So excited.

I'm really thankful for all my wonderful colleagues in school.A very harmonious working environment. Kids somehow have their way to your heart. Be a teacher of respect and they will love you. Their innocence and naive-ness can just make you smile and laugh :)

2010-04-09T14:57:00.005+08:00

go gaga on Shayenne!!

2010-04-02T14:52:00.004+08:00

It's this much

2010-04-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

Got my very own class today. New students and my class is called Pri 1 Bravo. Hahaha, they are so cute. I wonder what the kids eat nowadays. So tall, so big size and so cute!!

YES! It's a holiday tmr!!! whoohooos! No school no tuition! a break for me to spend time with Shayenne. heex :)

ilovemyjob

2010-04-01T01:10:00.002+08:00

I love the job I'm working now! It's so much less chaotic than childcare settings. More on supervision and facilitate. Most of all, I LOVE the working hours :)) I almost made a Pri 1 boy cry while learning his spelling. "Mother, lamb, died, horse, went" 5 words only! I merly ask him to write over and over again and ask him to rewrite the words which looks like ah buh neh neh letters. TSK!

Will be taking a class of 19 pupils of primary one. I'm gonna be the devil teacher. Just watch me ;)

my leg is jelly jelly

2010-03-29T23:22:00.002+08:00

Never would I imagine this day will come so fast. The implanon was suppose to last for 3 years ($450 per stick) and I only use it for 21 months. Went back to Dr Beh at Thompson Medical Centre and the doctor ask me "Why you want to remove it? Wanna have another baby is it?" HUR! LIKE NO! that's not the reason why I came to remove it. I want to be healthy internally without all the hormones alteration and I'm no longer a sex toy to play with.

I was damn damn damn scared. I lied on the chair and I covered my face with my jacket throughout the whole process. You could feel the blade cutting the arm but no pain. The real pain came when the doctor was trying so hard to pull the stick out cause I think blood vessels and muscles grew around the stick becoming hard for it to come out. OMG! I dropped a few tears cause it hurts and I was damn scared closed to fainting. But thank god I didn't faint cause I knew Shayenne was waiting outside for me :) Mummy is brave!

Went dan's home to take a rest and headed out to Botanical Garden for a picnic with dan's friends and Jeremy :) Shayenne ate so much! Dinner was at republic of steak. It was the right choice having our dinner there! the boss gave Shayenne 6 smiley face mashed potato, 2 chocolate brownie and one fila pouch. ALL FOC! because Shayenne is so cute :)) hehehe. Thanks Boss!

Meidan: Hey girl, I want to thank you for all that you've tried to do and have done for me. For helping me carry Shayenne and taking care of her despite your bamboo body. Supporting me and propaganda me with determination and to be firm. I appreciate so much to have a friend like you. A true friend :) IJ friends are friends for life..thanks my dear

town-ed

2010-03-26T01:13:00.007+08:00

Yeah! Went to town today with Shayenne. No longer tortoise in shell! Met up with Jeremy and his friend. While waiting for them, Shayenne and I had tea at Wheelock place. Chocolate truffle cake in a heart shape and ice chocolate! the drink was super nice!

Coincidently, Meidan was in town too- reading Confucius books! Walked all the way to Cathay Astons and queued super long for dinner together with dan's bf, dan's sister and bf. Had so much fun with Shayenne's new "yi-yi"(meidan). Kiss for yi-yi somemore!! aiyo, so sweet.

I love Shayenne's hair when it's tied up! absolutely love her little pony tail. SO CUTE!

2010-03-25T02:36:00.002+08:00

This should be the theme song for the rest of your life to the people you've let down and hurt. Since the day I left you, I knew there was no turning back. So, I hope that you can move on with your life. Don't look back anymore. Both of us, should work hard to write a new chapter of our life. Let it go...

Ice cream night date

2010-03-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

Travelled all the way down to Hong Wen school. So far from the MRT!! but still walkable. Taught a set of Grammar question and Compre to the Pri 2 and 3 students. Super F' up management.

Went home for dinner and out again to meet ( Ques: Why is it 'meet' not 'met' or 'meets' or 'meeting'? Ans: Because words after 'to' should be in base form) Vonnie! We've got a ice cream date at Hg mall Macs eating ice cream! HAHA. was returning library books when I saw Adel.T and Michelle! Yeah...

Spent some time with Von talking.. probably all of our life are jus as F' up as one another. no matter how tough the road is. we all know that there is still our family and friends! :) cheers!

2010-03-24T01:11:00.001+08:00

ƃuoʍ uǝɯɹɐɔ

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.

2010-03-23T23:04:00.003+08:00

Went amk cathay to watch Confucius with dan today!! Great movie! No romance or very detailed war strategies. Purely on Confucius sayings, loyalty for country, brotherhood and integrity. Confucius original name was Kong Qiu. Was quite a touching movie that dan and I almost cried. quite a lot of handsome guys in the movie!

Went library and borrowed a book again written by Bernardine Kennedy. Previously read a book on "Past Chance" written by her and found it quite nice :)

"To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness."

it's like my ipod stuck on REPLAY

2010-03-22T23:11:00.004+08:00

Had a super weird dream that left me thinking about. I woke up from a dream with someone I know from SJC but I can't see clearly who was it. She was shouting "If you don't forgive yourself, how are you going to forgive ******". If I don't forgive myself? huh..really left me thinking...

Went back to SJC after my practicum to buy the SJC bear. Available in $25 (bigger size, more fur) and $15 (palm size and cuter looking). Unfortunately, I came too late and the person went(WENT OKAY!) home alr! I really want the SJC bear..can't buy it anywhere except in SJC! :)with that cute little blue pinafore on it, Shay will love it also :)

2010-03-22T18:33:00.002+08:00

So happy!!! Had my 2nd practicum visit today. and I passed! Another of my big stone down. Thank you to the teachers that helped me out and not forgetting Lecturer Julia :) Thank you thank you thank you. A million thanks to Mrs Yap and Mrs Lim :)

Another hurdle ahead, got to teach a Comprehension to a class at Hong Wen School this wednesday. if everything goes well, I will get the job :)

Hope everything falls in place as they should and those that are not in my plan will go away.

Cause you should be my lady~

2010-03-21T23:42:00.002+08:00

Yeah! Meidan came over my house for dinner tonight! Hope you liked the food :) The last time you came over my house was 5 yrs ago and you slept over! HAHA, Shayenne had a great time with you, so did my parent. Come over often k :) and upload the photos soon!

Take my red black card and Jewelery

2010-03-20T23:59:00.003+08:00

Saturday!! Went to Food EXPO!! FOOD!!! So happy, cause it's food :)) Bought ma la fishball, chicken rice ball, mushroom soup in a bread, taiwan fried chicken and nasi briyani :)) and my fav seaweed tak kae noi :)) Shayenne was so scared of the Tak Kae Noi big head doll. When the person waved at her, she cried super loudly.

Headed to Ikea to buy a new table which cost only $39! Gonna shift the computer out and rearrange the both rooms again for Shay and me. Walked over to Giant next and bought some groceries and the Hotdog bun! :)) food food food.

Went home and ate Cheng teng cooked by my maid. What a foodie saturday!

She's got to love nobody.

2010-03-20T00:49:00.004+08:00

Friday- Gone with the wind. WHOOSH~

2010-03-19T16:00:00.002+08:00

My hair smell so nice! Shampoo from Pantene, conditioner from Sunsilk and hair serum from Silkpro.

Hate fridays,. YOU-KNOW-WHY. Use to to LOVE LOVE LOVE fridays..but friday is more like fright-day to me.

ARGH, tuition later. I don wanna see that new boy! I think he has learning disorder. He is screwing up my whole class. How how how! Classroom management??? My phonics worksheet are getting harder too...But I love the satisfaction when I see my children learn something new and improve themselves :)

2010-03-19T00:18:00.003+08:00

Classroom Management-easier said than done.

A principal really impressed me today with her words. A teacher must be pro active not reactive. Set your ground rules first, be a firm and strict but also fun and loving teacher. You can have the best teaching method, but if the classroom management is poor, the children will learn nothing at the end of the day. Without good classroom management you will be spending much time on playing arcade(hammering down the pop out mouse) with the children. It's classroom management first before teaching. The first two weeks of getting a new class is the most crucial part that will decide whether you will have a hell time or enjoyable time teaching the class. You can be firm and strict, but also fun and loving teacher :)

So inspiring eh! Can't rmb what else she said. BUT I'm gonna read up and brush up more on my classroom management.

2010-03-17T19:24:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking these few days to get my contraceptive Implanon removed. but i'm scared, very scared of pain. I almost black out and fainted after watching the removal video.

First the insertion, I had to went thru it all alone so that to let the jerk play and not have any trouble. Now, I have to clear up all the shit myself. I don't have the courage and guts to go and have it remove. I will faint before the stupid stick is even out! Thanks to you!

want your bad romance

2010-03-17T01:28:00.002+08:00

need manicure again :)

Shayenne has been behaving well for these past few nights, she can sleep by herself without me patting or carrying her. not forgetting her coming to give me goodnight kisses! so so cute.

She's talking alot now. When I say "one", she will say "two". She also knows how to say "A,B,C"! She knows how to call my cat "Jewel" and sometimes ask her "GO, Go, Go!" She knows how to call me "mama" alr (awww..how sweet is that!) When she sees my brother photo in my phone, she will say "jiu jiu (uncle)". When she doesn't want to eat something she dislikes she'll push it away and say "No want, no no no". When she wants to watch dvd, she knows how to say "High pie (five), Elmo, Money (Barney)". When someone is changing clothes, she knows how say "Shay Shay (Shame Shame). When something hurt her, she knows how to say "Pain pain". She knows her name "Shay-eun" LOL. she cant pronounce properly!! and she says milo as "My-mi". Super hilarious communicating with her. When you ask her something she will say "yesh". Do you want da bian? and she will reply "yesh". hahahha

Ask her repeat single words after you, she'll come out with lots of pattern! Shayenne must be placed in my life for a good reason. lovess....

2010-03-15T16:23:00.002+08:00

Hurray Hurray!

I got a job! Student Care teacher with Pro Teach! happy with the working hours and pay :)) Big wide smile.

Gonna be a hardworking year for 2010 with my two teaching jobs on hand and studying and taking care of Shayenne. Thanks to my parent and maid who have helped me so much and still helping me :) I got an awesome family.

13.03.2010

2010-03-14T00:27:00.004+08:00

I'm so obsessed with my JET!!! It's white white white! It has been quite some time since I gotten my Jet. But I'm still in love with it! easily contented:))

Didn't catch much sleep from yst tonning at VOn's house. Went Jb with family today :)) Had lots of fun. hahaha, camwhore in the car and lame jokes huh! Went to highlight and trim my hair and it looks damn awesome! I LIKE IT. Bought a cake and celebrated Ah yi's birthday in the car. like in the car? hahaha. Bought two lovely top. One halter neck top flora prints for beach wear and one grey halter neck my-stlye-of-top (the one which has creases in the middle). All bare back :) and the salesgirl said "Cantik" when I tried on the tops. HAHA!

I'm laughing at the biggest joke of 2010. OHH.

It's a Girly Affair!

2010-03-13T22:55:00.005+08:00

Headed to garden's to meet von and mag for dinner after my tuition. surprisingly Joan came along too! went Frolicks to eat yogurt. Half price with the calendar! Thanks to Yvonne's church friend.

Went to Von's house and took 103 number of photos on her macbook. We were super high! LOL. The photos speaks it's all. played mahjong on Von's blanket on the floor because we didn't have a table. It was really nice to hang out with you girls!! crazy but i LIKE!!

Went SIM for the open house earlier on. So confirm. I'll be taking up Bachelor of Early Childhood and Management after I end my Diploma. After that, I'll join the police force!! whoohooo!! This will be my target and goal for the next few years from now. So yup, not gonna let anything distract me away from my goal :))

2010-03-12T02:19:00.002+08:00

Everyone else is going overseas!!! I want to go too :( and sit aeroplane! I WANT TO SIT AEROPLANE AND GETAWAY TO AN ISLAND! away from sg...

Going to SIM later on to check out the course I wanna take! quick quick quick. faster study finish and sign on SPF. Years before I can fulfill my dream career.

Practicum postpone till next Tues :) Wake me up when March ends, then my diploma is finally ALL OVER. but it's gonna be tough for these 2 weeks doing the practicum folder and my assignments. ARGH.

I love my Samsung Jet. It's white and touch screen!

Watched the clip on Jack Neo and his wife appearance. My heart goes out to the wife. She and the kids are the real victims of this whole issue. Too many jerks and cheap woman in this society now. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

2010-03-11T00:02:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired. So tired of my roles and responsibilities of a single mother, a daughter and a student.Ya, I'm not fit. God help me

mirror mirror on the wall

2010-03-10T02:45:00.002+08:00

When was the last time YOU actually looked into the mirror and have a good look at yourself? Can you recognise yourself or is it someone else you see in the mirror that is not YOU. Is the person in the mirror YOU? Have you looked into the mirror and ask yourself what have you done for yourself, for your parents for your loved ones over the past 20 years you've been living after your mum painstakingly raised you up?

Have you ever ever reflected on what are you doing with your life? Treating your life as a game for you and everyone to play? Playing the game and one day tell your game mate- "Sorry, game over".

How does a mirror reflects YOU? YOU probably jus use it to gel your hair, shave your moustache. But who is the real YOU, can you find back YOU? All you see is just the surface of YOU in the mirror which means purely looks, looking nice and proper.

You need to find back yourself. Not ruining your life in your own hands.

2010-03-09T16:07:00.002+08:00

Where are you...

2010-03-07T02:41:00.002+08:00

My heart and mind is in a whirl now...A big knot and big stone that will never go away and the stone gets heavier each day.

I've forgotten the taste of tears. Built a wall around my heart. Sometimes I just wished I could have cry it all out. But I couldn't. Trying to psycho myself that I'm strong so nobody, especially you, can see my tears. So much so I cant cry now. Perhaps a good thing too.

Stoning has been my fav pastime now accompanied with my mp3. Stone in the mrt, stone watching the fish tank. Stone staring into the blank space.

I WANT TO GO TO KITARO'S CONCERT!!! I wanna watch The Realm of Conscience (Gong Xin Ji), I wanna watch Hua Mulan by Zhao wei. I wanna getaway from this island for a while.

"You do not know what love is, much more having the right to love"

Jesus take the wheel

2010-03-06T02:54:00.000+08:00

" She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel

So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel"

2010-03-05T22:54:00.003+08:00

Baddie Baddie go away!!

Went to watch Alice in Wonderland 3D today. Very colourful, but I don't like the storyline. I need clubbing therapy :))

Mediacorp sent a letter to our house saying that they will be needing our house(as in any interested house in this block i suppose) as a shooting scene for the upcoming chinese drama. With dai yang tian, elvin ng, felicia chin, lin mei jiao etc etc. HAHA! Asked my papa to agree!! How fun would it be having them to shoot in my house!! wheeheee...

Shayenne chicken pox is mutiplying more and more! all over from tip of the head to the toes..after applying the calamine lotion is...very scary. My poor Shayenne :(

Stop haunting me, ALL of you.

2010-03-05T02:02:00.001+08:00

I DON'T JUDGE YOU, I WILL ONLY DESPISE YOU.

2010-03-04T23:04:00.002+08:00

God pick me because he know I am strong? Because I can handle it?

Was playing with Shayenne when I realise a small blister at her feet. Then I checked her vaginal area and ears. All got blister! Thought was HFMD. So quickly took her to polyclinic. It's a Thursday and SO many people! waited and waited for like 2 hours. 2 hours alone with shayenne! was like.. luckily she was quite good because I brought along all the barang barang I knew she that she will be needing it!

Finally when it was out turn, at 6.05pm. Doctor checked and said Shay is having Chicken pox. Gave 4 bottles of calamine lotion! hahahaa, because I kiasu ask for more.

Feeding Shay medicine is a tough one...End up my face all paracetomol cause she will spit and pooo the medicine out. then she will pretend to vomit. One clever girl eh. Putting the sticky cool gel on her head also the same. See the sticky gel cry alr. Paste on her forehead and she wailed for like 20 mins till the whole block can hear.

God bless me man.

2010-03-04T00:33:00.002+08:00

whoohoo~~ i am over with my first practicum lesson!! And I passed!! Yes yes yes!! Thanks to all teachers and Mrs Yap, my principal, who have helped me out so much :))

What I've gained is much more than what I've lost. And what you tasted is only the beginning. The beginning to all horror!

HOHOHO. Let me see...within one month. I watched 4 movies!

Avatar 3D: need to take short breaks from the specs.
14 blade: Love my Donnie Yen and Zhao wei and love Donnie Yen!
Percy Jackson: ohhh, the cute guy who turns out to be traitor.
The wolfman: Ever frightening. The woman beside jumped from her seat. LOL.

And also pool sessions! Missing out all these in my past life now time to enjoy! Some people are scared of being single and lonely. They can't live without feeling love from an opposite sex. How sad had the world become like this. I pity these people. From one to another, always seeking, stop for a while and to another again. Sour grapes? Not at all. Why tie down when still young? -Girls just wanna have fun

2010-03-01T00:18:00.002+08:00

Are you looking at the same moon as me?

The moon is so beautiful today. Lunar 15! mummy made a super big Yu Sheng and many tang yuanS :)

FAMILY IS: Father Mother I Love You :))

2010-02-26T01:30:00.002+08:00

I am really Sotong to the max!! I drew $20 from the ATM and I forgot to take the money! tsk tsk tsk. My brain cells are dying on me at the age of 21.

Practicum date is next wednesday! Got so many things to do. I haven even started on my practicum folder and not forgetting the soon-to-be-due assignments. It's gonna be the end of my Diploma road but it's like the toughest part..suffocating me~

So addicted to Lady Gaga songs now.whoohoo :)) I want my peaceful life.

Tuition tmr! The world is so small again. One of my boys in the tuition class so happen to be in my practicum childcare class that I'm taking! so cool. So he sees me everyday and friday night. lol. "You like Teacher Carmen?"

GET OVER IT

2010-02-22T01:35:00.002+08:00

I just want to lead my life peacefully without you. Really, Don't bother to look for me or find me anymore. Don't step into my life again. You think I'm stupid or senile to not know what is happening around? I can tell you, the world is so so so small. Everybody is watching and listening what you say what you both are doing. So probably when u go out next time, wear a mask so that no one can recognise you.

Why is everyone keep asking me the same question. "Are you going back to him?". Seriously, I had never been so sure with my decision and have not regretted will not regret my decision in leaving that guy.I had never been so strong and firm in my life. but this decision made me. I thought I couldn't live without you last time. I gave you everything to keep you with me, giving away even my pride and dignity, everything. I just want to live a life which is a life. something worth living for. not those 4 years that we had lived. I regretted it so much.

And for goodness sake, you think I'm like you?! can jus go into another relationship or change partner immediately? or say love another den love another? Do I look so cheap and loose to you?! you are those that will die without woman. I am not. Family love and true friendship is something you will lose out in life. What is the point of filling your empty vessels with love from girls? Fill it with something more meaningful.

Just don't come and bother me or myy family anymore

SENTOSA!!

2010-02-17T14:42:00.003+08:00

more photos on FB!

2010-02-13T02:19:00.002+08:00

There is just something and some things that an IJ girl is different from all other girls.
There is just this special bond and love between IJ girls that no other girls can understand.
This is what makes us IJ;
That's probably god's way.

2010-02-13T00:41:00.003+08:00

It's friday lo! So fast. Almost forgot I had to teach tuition tonight. and I was late! Class was okay today I guess.. Expect that the comp at the tuition centre crash and no worksheets for the children. and i had to impromptu think of activities to do...

一棵开花的树

2010-02-12T02:05:00.000+08:00

一棵开花的树
(席慕容)

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻　为这
我已在佛前　求了五百年
求他让我们结一段尘缘

佛于是把我化作一棵树
长在你必经的路旁
阳光下慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近　请你细听
那颤抖的叶是我等待的热情
而当你终于无视地走过
在你身后落了一地的
朋友啊　那不是花瓣
是我凋零的心

This poem is so so so nice :))

2010-02-11T23:09:00.002+08:00

Great. It's because of ppl like you both that turns the whole world upside down. Wait for your Karma.

Last day of class today! Devi called me at 4pm only to tell that we need to hand in our Individual Assignment today! 1.5-2 K words write up in 2 hours. GG! With my little shadow hanging around beside me throwing tantrums seeking my attention, at least I managed to complete. Reached class at close to 8pm. Just sign attendance and party.

Party! Everyone brought so much food! eat and eat. YEAH! finally last day of class. 2 months more to my Diploma Cert! Then I can advance my studies to join police!!!! hurray!!!

Lye nuquernuva sen e dagor. I'narr en gothrim glinuva nuin I'anor. Agaryulnaer, Morier, Wethrinaer, Feuyaer, Gayaer, 'Ksher !!

new phone, new line, new life

2010-02-10T00:20:00.003+08:00

WHOOO!!! I AM SO LOVING MY NEW PHONE- SAMSUNG JET and it is the white edition! wheeeheee. Thank you papa!! finally got my touchscreen phone lo!

Went to watch 14 Blade. Not bad. My fav Donnie yen and Zhao Wei!!! 715 and Wu ZUn. Find that Wu Zun very extra in the show. and he looks like Pirates of the Carribean. worth watching and it's very funny :))

When I think back, Suddenly, I feel that you cannot live without relationship. You need to have a girl thruout your whole life. Just any Mary, Jane or Girl. you just need a girl. maybe you are sick in your head somewhere ba :)

Hush Hush

2010-02-08T14:24:00.002+08:00

Yst night was so re nao! God ma and god pa, Kiara and Tyron, Theron and his gf, Xander and Xandon all came my house for dinner!! whoohoo. The whole house was like so lively! plus Shayenne 3 babies in the house.

Everyone got so well along with each other :)

You know what, I am living my life happier now. Definitely much more happier and more meaningful then the life you both are leading now. Don't act pityful in front of me, saying what it's the lowest point of your life, you are going to be charged or what. You created all these shit. why still come and harrass me when you still got your Ivy. double face freak. I don't have to do anything to you, god sees.

Because of YOU, any idea how many people you have hurt? Top on the list would be your MUM AND DAD. you seriously owe them a life time apology. I really cant think of any reasons why they still help you out so much except only LOVE; because you are their son. Think of it, what have you done to make them proud? nothing but giving them trouble and worries all these years. All the girlfriends you had, all the shit their parent gave your parent. You think they like it? Thought after having a baby a family, you would settle down. I have nothing to say to your parents except thank you them for these 2 years of staying with them. How are they gonna face your relative and their friends again. You should have seen the tears in your mum's eyes when I left the house. Your parent, Shayenne are all the innocent ones. I have no idea what they owe you in their previous life. Seeing you like this, their heart hurts even a thousand times more. If you see my post, then please.. Don't create any more troubles or worries for them. be a good son.

WHAT CANNOT KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER!

2010-02-07T02:49:00.003+08:00

It took me 3 years and 9 months to learn a lesson. A lesson that makes me stronger and have another meaning to life :) If weren't for this lesson, how would I ever know that my parents, my family love me so much and the friends around me. This is something you BOTH will never get to experience in your next entire life- Family love, the greatest love on earth.

And I'm now having mini clubbing!! in front of the comp and my ear piece. Whole house sleeping, even my hamster, my cat and the cockroaches. If not I'll blast the whole room!! ohhh ohhhhh ohhhhh!!! SOme drunk guy just msged me "HAHA, I AM HAPPY CLUBBING NOW." so? do i look like i care? I wouldn't even care if you are fucking her right now , would I even care if you are at the club?!

thinking of you makes my blood boil. blood circulation better, more oxygen to my body cells. thus making me feel like vomitting and I feel very very giddy. till i wanna faint.

Went Jb today with dad, mum, ah yi and Shayenne. Bought like so many many stuff. and my dear kept clinging on to me like koala bear. koala bear on a bamboo pole...

Thursday

2010-02-04T21:29:00.002+08:00

Eeeeyer....can you believe Jordan is with that girl. Everytime I think of that, I lose my appetite and feel like vomitting. That explains why I only ate chicken and starbucks mocha for the whole day. I don't feel hungry at all.

Chaotic mums. Went town with Kiara and Jaslyn and Jeremy today. LOL. Jaslyn super funny and entertaining! was nice meeting you girls :) and I am not suppose to blog about the buy 3 get one free belt over here. WAHAHA.

Char bo during break time at class today because the lecturer was super duper boring. 4 Faith's gathering tmr!!! whooohooo!!! gonna club tmr after meeting girls at timber@substation tmr. Busy busy busy week "))

when a spouse leaves

2010-02-03T23:29:00.003+08:00

"Have you noticed how the wounded partner in a divorce, the person who is clearly the victim of the other's irresponsibility, is often the one who suffers the greatest guilt when the marriage breaks up? It's true.

Marital disintegration is seldom the fault of the husband or wife alone. There's fault of the husband or wife alone. There's always some measure of shared blame. However, when one marriage partner decides to behave irresponsibily, to become involved outside of marriage, or to run from family commitments and obiligations. that person usually seeks to justify his or her behavior by magnifying the failures of the spouse, For a husband or wife with low self esteem, these charges and recriminations are accepted and internalised as indisputable facts.

If you're in this situation today, you must resist the temptation to take all the blame. You might begin to see yourself as a victim, rather than a worthless failure at the game of love."

-taken from "FOCUS family" today paper.

went for excursion today to Chinatown. Hot sunny day and we were all walking along the streets of Chinatown. Fun bringing the kids around buying new year goodies. Headed to bugis to meet Kiara after practicumt to shop! fantastic. went body shop and got serve by that trans. but she was really sweet and nice.

Sometimes in the childcare, when i walk around and see the happy family photos of the children with their dad and mum, brother and sister or drawings and writing about m"MY FAMILY". this is my daddy, this is my mummy...i feel like crying out loud...

tired

2010-02-02T22:10:00.002+08:00

Today's the first day of childcare for Shayenne and first day of practicum for me. Got up early, argh. My dad drove both of us to the childcare which is like hidden among all the bungalows. The kids there are like rich family kids and lots of caucasian children.

Compare to the facilities to the Cherie Hearts I worked previously. The classroom is so much lacking in need of new materials and new makeover. Plastic sheets were falling from here and there. Learning corners don't look like learning corners. But manpower wise, it's so so much better here. We had like 4 teachers including me to 14 children.

Met up Kiara for lunch at macs and accompanied her for another "Young mothers" interview. Was so tired i fell asleep on the table. Woke up and felt like vomitting. Headed outside to do my manicure! Whoho. The person said I had very nice nail. Painted HOT PINK. whohoo and im so addicted to my beautiful nails now. Devaki even said it looked liked those paste on kind cause the shape and colour were really nice!

More activities coming up this week! can't post all here cause some irritating stalker loves to come here and dig for evidence to pin against me :)

Lord, take me

2010-02-01T02:09:00.004+08:00

I don't know how to start where to start. I've finally made my decision. to leave him for good.

God ma and kiara, if you're seeing this, I would really like to thank you all so much. if without you god ma, I would have alr jumped down and die. I love you both so much. I really thank god for placing you u both in my life, i will never ever have enough to thank you and repay this love.

I know I have to leave that guy. Sleeping on the same bed with a guy that is seeing another girl outside. I use the word "girl" not "woman". How scary can it be. Till now, whenever I think of this. My heart feels so much throbbing pain. I don't know how long will I take to pick up the broken pieces of me. Broken and shattered. That's what is left of me now.

Can you imagine, this year CNY would be spent so differently..

To Jordan: When I leave you, It's not that I don't love you. You asked for a seperation a cool down period. What is your cooling down period? You didn't even tell me. Cooling down means having a relationship with a random girl you just know? Cooling down means not coming home to sleep and spend the night outside?

Whatever it is, I can't possibly live or stay with you anymore. You really hurt me to the max of the max of the max. You could have chosen to live happily, with your mum, your dad, Shayenne and me. Go for family outings, laugh and joke at home helping one another out in the house. But you chose to indulge. indulge in temptations.

I don't think I am a nasty or unreasonable wife to start with. I gave my best and kept the best everything for you. these 3 years and 9 months. Till you took me for granted slowly and slowly, think just by providing financial need to Shayenne and me would be enough. I learnt to be a good daughter in law, a good wife and a good mother in every role I play. I respected your parent and love them as my own. I serve you as a wife so much so I feel myself become a slave for you. I can stand up and proudly say that " You can never ever find a daughter in law, a wife and a mother of your child like me. "

I thank my family who had always been so wonderful and supportive. My mum, My dad, My brother and my maid! You all showed me what's the meaning of FAMILY LOVE. mummy and daddy has never never forsake me. If i say I'm stronger. Papa, mummy, you both are the strongest. I love you both. Pardon me for unable to tell you what happen to me and Jordan. Because i will sure breakdown and cry like shit, if I were to tell you. I don't want you both to see me hurt because i know then you both will be more hurt times hundred times. I have to control myself in front of you both. Be your happy and smiley girl.

The only 2 things I pray for is courage and strength to walk this road with Shayenne. And also, Jordan to have repentance and wake up from his nightmare, if not, he'll be just destroying his life and definitely will have lots of regret in time to come.

Thanks my friends, all around, from facebook to msn to sms. Thanks for all your words of encouragment and support. There is only so much you people can help me, the rest is up to me.

Jesus take the wheel

2010-01-29T00:38:00.002+08:00

Thanks jeremy. For telling me of this song-Jesus take the wheel.

How can this song totally reflects on my life..I totally brokedown right in front of the comp. I cried and cried so much. I cant do this all my own. I really cant. my tears just cant stop. I think of Shayenne,my heart aches even further.

Shayenne: Mummy is really really very very sorry to you. Mummy failed. Mummy failed utterly this time. Mummy should have given you away to someone else who would give you a perfect family and cherish you. Not jus some 21 year old Mummy who is so screwed up and lost now. You don;t have to suffer at all. Mummy is so screwed up. Mummy doesn't have the courage and strength to carry on from here.

2010-01-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

I wondered how I got past today. Cant believe I broke down and cried in class while the leacture was lecturing. Tried so hard to control myself in the train untill I got home and saw Shayenne standing at the house gate. She was so happy that I came home and keep waving to me and say Hi~ How sweet and heart aching that scene can be. I cried on the spot knowing she's gonna lose either a daddy or mummy. So heart wrenching.

I had no motive of condemning jor or trying to say how bad he is. It was the past. It was those that I am still surviving now learning how to brace myself up and making the correct decision. it can be so irony that love is blind. love kills too...

For the next one hundred times you ask me. Am i okay? I am not.

AWESOME!

2010-01-23T05:29:00.002+08:00

Thanks to you Jordan, for giving a chance to club!

Met adel at hougang and took a cab down to clarke quay, made a little star UV temp tatoo on the shoulder and Adel had a butterfly on her chest! pretty :))

Met up with her friends 1 girl, 3 guys to REBEL. had two cups of Vodka mixture and got high alr!! we danced and danced and danced.. felt so WHOOoo! never in my life had i danced like this before. really danced. kinda got many weird guys coming to do weird stuff. but we had so much fun and laughter! WEIRD people..

got home at 5. and my feet is breaking! never gonna wear heels to club anymore. ZOUK next friday! awesome :)))

hit the club and forget your troubles. im lovin such life.

2010-01-22T00:55:00.002+08:00

hurray :) Language and Literacy Module is finally over. So is the big book and the dramatisation. met a friend for dinner at marina sq after lesson. Thanks for your dinner :) but no thanks for your replies in the train. you made me cried.

next next saturday lesson have been postpone to tmr night. arghs, have to cancel my tuition session at Lizbox tutorial. See, now become bad teacher cancel lesson. will be going to raffles place 3 days in a row. damn tiring. hate to squeeze with all those uncles and those bangala. damn pervetic. saw one of them peeping into an indian girl's top while she was reading her book. i stared at that bangala, keep staring at him until he look back and stare at me. beat you up to pulps!

Woke up at 3.30pm today. Think i'm gonna sleep very very late again. Watch my HZGG! :))

hoHoho

2010-01-21T00:49:00.002+08:00

sat at the table for 4 whole hours completing the big book for assignment tmr. "The bear and the three hares." my art is quite good i must say :)) Uhu glue all over..

People just aim to get a pass or an A. I aim to get a A with a PLUS. A+
A+ or not at all. same with my life.

你是風兒我是沙

風也飄飄,沙也飄飄

風兒吹吹,沙兒飞飞

風兒飞过天山去

沙兒跟过天山去

how beautiful are these few sentences. but hard to find

dont say you love me, you dont even know me

2010-01-20T03:37:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE FFFFFFF*****

ok.i'm reallyyyyy okay! :)) too okay in fact. just cant wait to join the police force now. urghh... getting a degree seems sooo far away! i don't care!

assignments are killing me.till i can't breathe!!! and i still have time to watch my Huan Zhu GeGe!

J.L: I must have spend too much time daydreaming and the reality became a nightmare! big time liar, you succeed into making me hate you. feel happy about it alright. very very happy ya. it's no difference from throwing me down from the 7th floor blk 104! You could have just bloody hell tell it in my face. blah blah blah.

I AM FINE. I AM REALLY OKAY!

im not ok

2010-01-17T14:33:00.003+08:00

im not okay. even though i have to be..pretend to be, force myself to be...

went for tuition in the morning yst, had a little not feeling well..the kids from Pr3 are..wtf..so unruly and ah beng. strained my throat so much. 3 classes in a row. really cannot tahan after that. almost fainted in class.

felt so lost after class, din noe where to go. took a bus back to serangoon's clinic to see doctor. having a throat infection. viral infection. went to aunt anna house to look for kiara after that. and baby xandon was so cute! and thanks xander for your lovely kiss! haha. spoke to aunt anna. and felt...hmm...i've made my decision.

was around 8 when i felt i couldnt hold on much longer. i need to rest badly. took a cab back to punggol. my throat was killing me. cant breathe, cant speak, cant swallow saliva. everything pain. didnt eat anything the whole day. everything is just suffocating me so much. had no appetite either. i jus wanted to sleep. woke up at 1am, realise i had high fever. felt like fainting alr. it was really bad last night. lied on my bed and brokedown. i felt so helpless and useless. everything and anything.

Shayenne is still at serangoon. how.

pissed

2010-01-16T00:28:00.002+08:00

went marina sq for the Home Team Career fair this afternoon with jeremy and jeffery. and confirmed private institute diploma are not accepted.

spoke with a inspector who took 15 years to climb from coporal to inspector. with degree, cao cao go in inspector alr.

so, now, gonna apply for degree in early childhood and management at SIM. then join police as a senior police officer! whoohoo!! 9 months of residential training. plus 3 weeks of overseas training. woots!

i have set my career goal! yes! DSP WONG here i come!!!

shouldn't have agreed to do relief teaching for tmr!! siao. 3 classes in a roll. then got to rush to raffles place for my dpt class. preparing the children's worksheet now. and of all time, Shayenne has to poo poo now!!! don't need sleep alr.

glimpse of hope!

2010-01-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

I SEE A GLIMPSE OF HOPE FOR MY FUTURE!!

finally back home! went to borrow Huan Zhu Ge Ge vcd from jeffery. and thks for making me wait for so long under your block! gonna chiong all the episode.

HURRAY! got As for both my group assignment! so so happy. AND! gonna make a big move for my career and future! im gonna further studies! am really despo to get a good education.

path one- take my Diploma and go Ngee Ann poly for advanced diploma
path two-take my diploma and go SIM for degree.

whhoohooss!! uber excited about further my studies now! wad my mum said is right, im like a hungry hungry person for food. and having to further my studies is my food! im so gonna treasure my second chance again! i've most likely settled for path two. take a degree!! hurrays!! there is still hope for me!! yeah yeah yeah~~~

but....i dunno how dear is going to react after hearing this. sure kena pour cold water. "WHAT! STUDY AGAIN!" "I ALSO GOT NO CHANCE TO STUDY"

but anyway, my mind is set on a degree. then join police force! at least when i grow old kena kick out by police. i still have a back up degree for my career. :)))

是我想太多我也這樣說

2010-01-13T01:00:00.002+08:00

so full now...jus came home from supper with yvonne at Serangoon Gardens.. stupid. the indian man cheat our money! we ordered two naan with a few pieces of pathetiq tandoori chicken, ice milo, ice teh. total bill $18! siao. only when we came back home and calculate then realise stupid kena cheated. see us young girls nice to bully #%$&*($%^#$$

Adel was suppose to meet us for supper after 12am, but she's still working :( will meet up another. von ah, must meet up more! :)))

YIPPIE! finally called the Babies by the Park today with Ms Amber(the supervisor) and decided i'll start my practicum on 1st Feb! hurray. thats because to accomodate Shayenne. The toddler teacher will only be coming in on 1st Feb, thats why in order to work and accomodate Shayenne have to start in Feb. Which means i have only 1 month to clog my 200 hours = have to work full time :(

back to class today. bombard by so many going-to-be-dued-assignments! 2 on hand and plus i haven even started my practicum blah blah blah...rmb to call me wake up early tmr to do marketing. no more fish and vegetables alr...

2010-01-12T02:05:00.002+08:00

gonna get myself a good eyeliner and body mist from the body shop tmr!

went for mum in law's father brother's son wedding at Grand Copthorne Waterfront today. Seems just like yst when we both use to work there at that exact same ballroom doing the banquet!! haha, and i rmbed you telling me while working- the 100th wedding will be ours. viewed the couples wedding footage. "NOBODY NOBODY BUT YOU!"

fantasizing my own ideal wedding. I would love to have my wedding dinner at C.H.I.J.M.E.S. and the wedding march in would be live, playing on piano-Canon In D :) there are so many many nice love songs to choose from! haha, wait till got money get married then say.

yeahs~anw classes are starting tmr. love travelling to raffles place, watching all the ppl walk by. maybe stay at home too long..even travelling to classes also happy :)) hehe. meeting up with Von and Adel tmr after class!!! yeah! double happiness. gonna chill out at Chomp Chomp there. probably get a drink and girls talk :)) can eat my prata at chomp chomp too. triple happiness! life is actually so simple, but sometimes we just tend to complicate it. playing mind games all the time. when will i ever be happy with my life :(

It's not easy to be me

2010-01-10T22:16:00.003+08:00

he's back to camp again! will be so peaceful from now all the way till FRIDAY!! hahaaaahaa :))) damn bad of me to feel this way.

have been thinking and thinking the whole night till 7am this morning. and i've come to a conclusion that I WANNA JOIN POLICE!

to you: SO WHAT you think the salary low, benefit low, sit at NPC do bo lan duty. SO WHAT if i have to do shift work and you still got the cheek to tell me "then baby who take care, then you wont have time for Shayenne!" when you were the one coming home to be KING. and leaving me doing everything and taking care of SHayenne when you jus rot in front of your comp! don't say changing her diaper, you cant even make ONE time milk for her, wash ONE time milk bottle for her, feed her lunch or dinner. You cant even wash your own cup and hang up your own shorts. always looking for your slave to do everything for you. jus because you're the sole breadwinner for this family and IT"S MY RESPONSIBILTY. it's my responsibility to lower my pride and status in this house to fufil your so called "responsibility". ya?

i cant even have a say in my career. everything is YOU THINK you think.the grass is always greener on the other side. you ask me to join air force. i dont even have any interest or passion for anything in air force. join for the pay and benefits??? thats what you want. YOU want. you and your wants. you are always so domineering. you want to be powerful in this house. you know you can get your way in everything you want because im good to bully and easily give in. thats how we landed up with the 2 and Shayenne. You jus cant get anything into your thick skulled brain. its your character. i had enough. :(

>>>>>>>>>>>>

but anyway! jus ranting my thoughts. tough time dont last, tough man do. Only he who can eat the bitter of the bitter. Can become the man above the men. yes! so thankful that i still have Kiara to have our mummies talk and wife talk! listening to superman now :)) it' not easy to be me...wish that i could cry, fall upon my knees.

trying so hard to be away from you.

can you see how tired i am?

2010-01-09T23:54:00.002+08:00

can you see how tired i am?

haven't been sleeping well these past few days. everything and anything else is draining my energy off. where should i continue from here. take a step forward or miss the chance to be free and remain stagnant forever.

teacher or police officer? "when i grow up, i want to be a policeman!" so i must work hard now to secure my diploma and join the police force :)) speaking of this, night classes are starting next tuesday..good for me too..at least i can get out of the house to breathe. at least for the 3 hours.

had my Phonics tuition class yst. They told me to take the relief teaching for next Sat. Pri 1,2 and 3 English. all the way from 10am to 3pm. fuck care, jus chiong. got money to take, got things to keep me pre occupied, why not!

more or less, we've lose everything.

What cannot kill you, makes you stronger

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you...

mr postman.

at 2am....

Hi mommy

the super lazy

because it takes two to whisper...

it makes a diff if you put in effort or NOT

lying after lying you're still a liar-holic~

Indifference

'dolle naa lost'

monday blues..

Nothin' on you

HappeningS (plural form)

Bye Bye Old Me

go gaga on Shayenne!!

It's this much

ilovemyjob

my leg is jelly jelly

town-ed

Ice cream night date

By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be wide apart.

it's like my ipod stuck on REPLAY

Cause you should be my lady~

Take my red black card and Jewelery

She's got to love nobody.

want your bad romance

13.03.2010

It's a Girly Affair!

mirror mirror on the wall

Jesus take the wheel

GET OVER IT

SENTOSA!!

一棵开花的树

new phone, new line, new life

Hush Hush

WHAT CANNOT KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER!

Thursday

when a spouse leaves

tired

Lord, take me

Jesus take the wheel

AWESOME!

hoHoho

你是風兒我是沙

風也飄飄,沙也飄飄

風兒吹吹,沙兒飞飞

風兒飞过天山去

沙兒跟过天山去

dont say you love me, you dont even know me

im not ok

pissed

glimpse of hope!

是我想太多 我也這樣說

It's not easy to be me

can you see how tired i am?

是我想太多我也這樣說